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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28931721">I Will Be.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphinaswearafina/pseuds/seraphinaswearafina'>seraphinaswearafina</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Clone High</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, JFK Needs A Hug, Joan Needs A Hug, Joanfk, Swearing, i wrote this in one sitting oops, kinda sad, mmm Death Maze, post prom, post unfreezing, rip toots, season finale spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 14:01:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,711</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28931721</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphinaswearafina/pseuds/seraphinaswearafina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>JFK finds himself struggling in the modern age. Everything is so different now than it was 20 years ago. Everyone's moved on and he doesn't know how to play catch up.</p><p>Joan copes with a tragic loss by learning to rely on someone who has experienced something similar.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>JFK &amp; Joan of Arc (Clone High), JFK/Joan of Arc (Clone High)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Will Be.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey! Here's my first fanfic!</p><p>I absolutely adore JoanFK and this idea has been bouncing around my empty skull for a month, so I guess it's finally time to put in on paper. </p><p>I might write more chapters depending on if people want to see more or if this works as a stand-alone thing. I'd personally like to continue this. There's a lot of ideas I could expand on that I couldn't get to here. Let me know! Anyways, that's all folks. I hope you enjoy</p><p>-----------------------------------</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack knew he shouldn’t have tried to skip class. But something just didn’t feel... right. He was uncharacteristically out of his usual Friday rhythm. </p><p> </p><p>I guess being frozen for 20 years can do that to a person.</p><p> </p><p>It was Clone High’s first official full week back after the majority of the clones recovered from that night at prom. Almost everyone was back up to their normal shenanigans. Flirting, laughing, crying, finally feeling close to their usual selves. </p><p> </p><p>Kennedy was at first completely unfazed by what had happened. With a little warming up(literally), he returned to the loud and rambunctious flirt he was used to being. But as the days crept on, the reality of what really happened began to dawn on him. He was struggling. Everything was so shockingly different. Technology and music had changed. Girls wanted different things. History had built itself without him. The world had moved on and he didn’t know how to play catch up. <br/><br/></p><p>Kennedy found himself, increasingly more often than not, left out of plans. Invitations to parties were turned away from him, exchanged behind his back. Trips to the Grassy Knoll after school left him sitting alone in one of the booths. The classmates he had been closest to in the past were suddenly strangers.<br/><br/></p><p>Jack didn’t understand what he was doing wrong. He started to feel like he was forgetting something. He couldn’t get the nagging feeling to go away, no matter what he did to distract himself.</p><p> </p><p>‘If Poncey were here, he would know what to do’ Jack would think, feeling a residual pang of grief at the thought of his friend’s death. He missed having someone genuine to talk to.</p><p> </p><p>So Jack did the one thing he knew would probably help. He planned to skip Mr. Sheepman’s class to go down to the pier and collect his thoughts(Kennedy was honestly shocked to discover that his teacher was still kickin’ after all this time. Must be that sheep DNA.) But as quickly as he pushed through one of the emergency exits, one of the massive hall monitors had thrown him in Principal Scudworth’s office. </p><p> </p><p>The appropriate punishment? Death Maze.</p><p> </p><p>Of course.</p><p> </p><p>---------------</p><p> </p><p>Kennedy had gotten himself through the Death Maze a dozen times before. The turns felt comfortably familiar. Dust was still gathered in the corners of the dense network of vents that constructed the maze. The scuffed metal environment radiated an oddly damp cold, instead of the usual dry heat. It seemed like Principal Scudworth hadn’t changed much here in all those years. Jack knew he’d be out of the maze before the end of the day, no sweat. It wasn’t anything new to him, unlike the outside world.</p><p> </p><p>Being alone in a dim maze for hours meant he was alone to battle it out with his thoughts. He’d rather duke it out with himself on the pier, looking out onto the scenic view of the water, but cold metal and concrete will have to do for now. Maybe it was more badass like this anyways. Jack pushed through the maze, almost like he was on autopilot. He stopped only to open side vents to check for a potentially new exit. </p><p> </p><p>Jack turned a corner and laid eyes on a huge floor vent in the middle of a long thin hallway. The vent’s cover was slightly off center. It was open! <em> Maybe this is a new way out. </em>As he walked through the narrow metal corridor, he heard a voice cursing and sobbing. </p><p> </p><p>JFK paused and turned momentarily, thinking that maybe it was a new feature that Scudworth added to the maze. No, he didn’t see any speakers. Maybe it was some new future technology he wasn’t aware of. Hm.</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged and turned his gaze back to the vent opening. Humming to himself, he squatted down to the dense steel cover to inspect it. Then he realized the voice was coming from deep down wherever the vent led to. With piquing curiosity and with a potential chance to socialize/antagonize, Jack pushed off the heavy vent cover and gaped in. The person had gone silent.</p><p> </p><p>The vertical vent dropped down about 5 feet and opened to one side into a dark void. The vent was just wide enough for Jack to comfortably lower himself down into. His shoes softly tapped against the concrete floor. The void seemed to be a small open space, judging from the echoes his landing made. He squatted down and peered through the opening. </p><p> </p><p>“I er-uh heard you.” Jack smugly stated. There was no reply, but he suddenly felt an odd tenseness introduce itself in the air. Someone was in fact in there and knew he was at the vent. </p><p> </p><p>Jack blinked repeatedly, adjusting his eyes to the darkness. The ceiling was low, but just tall enough to walk through bent over. There were a couple discarded boxes piled in the corner nearest him. The concrete floor was consistently dusty, only interrupted by fresh bootprints and hand marks. He tried to follow the trail with his eyes, but they weren’t quite adjusted to the darkness yet to follow it all the way to where it led. He took a step forward into the space.</p><p> </p><p>“If you wanna, I er-uh can show you the way out, and by the way out I mea-” </p><p> </p><p>He halted abruptly, eyes widening as he suddenly recognized the figure tightly curled in the far corner. A single eye pierced bitterly through a sharp cut of red hair, watching him judgmentally. Her arms tightened over her knees, pulling them defensively to her body. Her forehead was lifted above her knees, tilted slightly up and to the right to make eye contact with the familiar intruder.</p><p> </p><p>“...of Arc?” </p><p> </p><p>“Go away, Kennedy” Joan spat. She kept one eye fixed on him through her hair, unblinking. Jack knew she tended to be hostile towards him, but her eyes didn’t read that way this time. They seemed... tired... and sad. </p><p> </p><p>Jack was shocked to see her, only now realizing what he somehow forgot.</p><p> </p><p>“Joan.. I er-uh haven’t seen you since..” he blinked.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> shit, let’s not dive into that right now </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Uhhh..” he cleared his throat, feeling the pressure build from Joan’s frigid stare. “Are you... okay?” He winced at his own words, not knowing how to address the situation.</p><p> </p><p>Joan broke her strained gaze away from him and looked into the opposite corner.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” she stated flatly. </p><p> </p><p>Kennedy shifted as the room returned to cold silence. He glanced down at his feet, realizing how worn out he actually was from traversing the maze all afternoon. He estimated it was now around 5 or 6 pm. He bet his dads were wondering where he was. Maybe whenever he gets home he could try to talk with them. As he looked back up to address Joan, she was wiping under her eyes with her sleeve. She quickly resumed her original defensive position as she saw Kennedy turn to fully face her.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I er-uh I’m gonna go, I guess” Jack quietly started back toward the vent, but hesitated when a suppressed sniff broke the silence. He turned his head back toward Joan, just enough to glance at her, still curled up in the corner. “I uh mean, unless you wanna come and by come I er-uh mean uh just… follow me out… of this uh maze… or I er-uh could stay and talk or uh...” he trailed off when he caught Joan looking at him again. There was no venom in her gaze this time, not even feigned annoyance. </p><p> </p><p>“JFK, um,” Joan started, slightly lifting her head. Jack started sweating as he felt her studying him. Joan swore under her breath and let out a shaky breath. “I’m just kinda lost I think.”</p><p> </p><p>Kennedy pointed up the bright vent “I er-uh know the way ou-”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Joan wearily cut him off, furrowing her brow. “not literally. It’s just-” She choked up and instantly swore at herself again, hiding her face in her arms crossed over her knees.</p><p> </p><p>Jack’s face fell. <em> Shit. </em> He was awful at listening to people’s problems, let alone comforting them. It always stressed him out because he never knew what to say or what to do. </p><p> </p><p>He was willing to try again for Joan though.</p><p> </p><p>He shuffled through the darkness to Joan’s small figure and lowered himself to sit close to her-</p><p> </p><p>“NOPE!” Joan’s arm shot out from under her head and pointed at the adjacent wall, which was about 10 feet away. “You go over there, Kennedy!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Right. Boundaries. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He leaned into the wall Joan had pointed to and slid down until he was sitting. His whole frame shuddered from the sudden chill. The dark concrete floor and metal walls robbed his heat through his clothes almost instantly. He felt himself become compelled to assume a similar position to Joan’s and wrapped his arms around bent legs to preserve his core heat. </p><p> </p><p>They sat in silence for a while, listening to the constant buzz of the fluorescent lights in the maze above them and the occasional sniff from Joan. Jack slowly came to rest his head on his arms, feeling himself become drowsy in the dim light. Part of him just wanted to leave and get home to his dads and spend the weekend driving around with his thoughts. Then go back to school on Monday like nothing happened. Back to pretending he’s okay. He turned his head so he could see Joan a little. His brow knitting in torn confusion. Another part of him was magnetized to Joan. Maybe it was just his fat ego that desperately needed stroking, but he felt like he was needed. He couldn’t leave without finding out what was needed from him. He lifted his head and nestled his chin on the soft muscle of his forearm, watching his other hand absentmindedly play with his shoelaces.</p><p> </p><p>He was trying to get one of his freezing fingers unstuck from a knot he tied around it when he heard Joan speak shakily.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been 20 years. 20 fucking years. I feel… lost a-and confused and out of place. I don’t feel like I belong here. Like, I know we’re already clones of historical figures or whatever and we already don't belong in this time, but man…” Joan trailed off a little and shook her head, “being frozen and time traveling 2 decades into the future really fucks with your head. W-we’re relics again. I don’t know anything about, well, anything.” Joan leaned her head against the cold wall, “I feel like a total idiot whenever I try to feel smart about something now.”</p><p> </p><p>She spoke in a lowered tone, barely at a volume louder than the hum of the lights.</p><p> </p><p>“20 years. I can’t believe it. I can’t. I-I’m having so many problems adjusting and I have no one to ask for help anymore. Gandhi’s mysteriously gone, Cleo kicked me out and I sleep on the musty old couch downstairs, Abe won’t even look me in the eyes” she shifted a little where she sat. “A-and Toots...” Joan bit her lip and she quickly turned her face back down into her arms to hide a tear from JFK. “So much changed and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there..” her voice was sad and rhythmic, like she was trying to help herself understand what she was saying. Jack had raised his head as she reflected, soaking in her words to the best of his ability. He wasn’t expecting her next words.</p><p> </p><p>“I should never have gone to prom” </p><p> </p><p>Jack’s brow turned upward as he concernedly watched her chest swell and shudder from suppressed sobs. Joan wrapped her arms tightly around her shoulders to hold herself steady, searching for warmth that wasn’t there.</p><p> </p><p>“That night… If I wasn’t a jealous bitch… If I hadn’t gone, I could’ve been there for…” her voice raised to an angry pitch but broke off. She stared, broken, at her hands. Her breathing hiked before she settled her head against her shivering knees again, returning the space to silence. </p><p> </p><p>Jack, finally free from the knot, swallowed hard. He felt every word she said. That growing feeling of not belonging anymore. The sense of regret. It had weighed on him too.</p><p> </p><p>He took a chance, not for his own sake, but for Joan’s.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey uh, Joanie?” JFK watched for her reaction carefully, not wanting to disrupt her. “Can I er-uh come a little closer?” </p><p> </p><p>There was a heavy pause. The chill in the room hung thickly. </p><p> </p><p>With a single small movement, Joan released an arm from beneath her head and weakly patted the concrete space next to her, returning her arm as soon as it left.</p><p> </p><p>Jack let out a small breath into the cold air, and scooched ever so gently over to the smaller figure. He positioned himself close, but not too close. He wasn’t sure where her current boundary was, but he didn’t want to cross it until she allowed him. He mirrored Joan’s position, but kept his face visible with his chin resting again on his arm. Jack settled in, feeling the freezing metal and rough concrete sap his warmth away once more. </p><p> </p><p>Kennedy let out another small breath. He had an entire response repeating on loop in his head. He was ready when she spoke again. He could do it this time. He knew he could.</p><p> </p><p>What he wasn’t prepared for was Joan to partially close the cold gap between the two lone clones. He watched out of the corner of his eye with mild disbelief as he felt her shoulder press into his, her face still turned down into her arms. They sat like that for a while, a pleasant warmth beginning to radiate between the two frigid bodies. </p><p> </p><p>He could feel the strong muscles in her shoulder shift as she gradually sat up. He again mirrored her and straightened out his spine too. He discretely turned to study her face while she blinked to get rid of residual tiredness; her eyes were red, still watery and fatigued, her face was pale and had flushed pink in large blooms across her cheeks and nose, her deep red-dyed hair was slightly disheveled, her mouth was downturned and he watched as it trembled slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Jack,”</p><p> </p><p>He almost jumped at the fragile pronunciation of his nickname, pulling him out of his silent observation. Joan was looking down at the backs of her hands, of which were now softly gripping onto her knees. He watched as she traced a small nervous circle on her knee with her fingertip.</p><p> </p><p>“does it, does it ever get easier. Losing someone you loved, someone you were so close to.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack listened as her voice quietly broke on the last phrase. It dawned on him. How did he not know already? He was angry for a second, that no one told him that Joan was carrying on not only without her friends, but without her caregiver. </p><p> </p><p>“Toots” he exhaled. He felt Joan tense up against his now slack arm. <em> Holy shit, how the hell did I not know? </em> He mentally repeated. He desperately wrung his brain for a good response, but the one he mentally prepared earlier was not good enough. Or genuine enough. Jack slightly leaned his legs towards Joan’s. He took a slow and shaky breath and said the first things that came to mind:</p><p> </p><p>“Does it get easier? I er-uh, I’m not… I’m not really sure. Well, kinda I think. There’s always going to be a ‘them’ shaped hole that’s been carved out of ya, you know. And it er-uh really fuckin hurts. Nothing you do, nothing you consume will take that pain away. When a person er-uh really affects ya in life, that hole goes deep. And uh it makes it er-uh so much harder to move on because they became such a big ol’ part of you. And with that piece gone, you’re uh lost. You aren’t you without them. At least for the uh time being. It’s helpful, at least to me, to er-uh kinda think back on the things that person taught you. All the things they uh introduced you to. It helps to meet new people sometimes too. Those er-uh new people can’t fill that hole, even if they tried, but damn does it help to uh have others around to just help guide ya in the right direction. If ya find the uh right people, you can find yourself again. And that hole will always be there, but instead of it causing you pain, it’ll be a place in your uh mind where you can rest and find uh a little time to reflect. A comfort of sorts. And honestly, I’m er-uh still waiting on the uh Ponce shaped hole in me to become that comfort for me. It still hurts now. I’m not gonna to be truly whole for a while. And that’s, that’s okay. Because I know that someday, I will be”</p><p> </p><p>Jack had closed his eyes. Letting himself ramble like this felt alien. He was almost certain that nothing he said made any sense. His brow furrowed and his face turned red with frustration. <em> Ugh I should’ve just gone with what I prepared. </em>Jack resisted facepalming himself out of sheer embarrassment.</p><p> </p><p>He opened his eyes to a growing warmth across his left torso. Joan was nestling into him cautiously, scooting her hips over to connect with his, and as she settled, her right hand slowly came up to trace along the back of his left hand which was locked anxiously onto his knee. He watched as she used her finger to sensitively trail around the outline of his hand, down the sides of his slowly relaxing fingers and palm. When she reached the crook between his thumb she carefully slid the tips of her cold fingers under his palm. Jack reciprocated by closing his hand warmly around hers and rubbing her fingers with his thumb. </p><p> </p><p>Joan leaned her head into him, turning her face slightly in towards his upper arm. He could feel the bridge of her nose nudge him as she turned. Almost instantly, he felt icy tears leak through his sweater sleeve as her breathing hitched.</p><p> </p><p>He regretfully let go of her hand, but draped his left arm deliberately around her shoulders. He used his thumb to slowly rub her upper arm. He offered his right hand for her to hold. With both hands, she took it and held it to the center of her chest. Jack felt her heartbeat through her shirt, the edge of one of his knuckles unintentionally tapping at her sternum as it beat. Her heart was quick and unsteady.</p><p> </p><p>Jack started to allow himself to melt into her, wanting to be a genuine source of comfort when no one else could be. Nothing made him more upset than knowing she really didn’t have anyone else to rely on in such a tragic time. Hell, Abe was there for Jack when Ponce died, even though they were enemies. Why couldn’t Abe put aside his self-absorption to help Joan now?</p><p> </p><p>After a while he found his cheek resting lightly on her red hair. Her heartbeat was slower and steadier now, her breathing had matched his. They stayed like that, perfectly arranged together, for a couple minutes more. Breathing in, breathing out. There was a kind of peace forming that he hadn’t ever felt before.</p><p> </p><p>Joan pulled away steadily, like she wanted Jack to know she wasn’t trying to be rude or dismissive about him. Jack pulled back and turned to face Joan. Their eyes connected for just a moment. Both pairs were sad and downturned, having both seen tragedy in their past lives. The two were a near perfect mirror of each other but yet so opposite. The room felt so much smaller, not in a claustrophobic sense, but more like a long-awaited comfort kind of way. The dusty space was no longer an empty void, but a place to start over, a new beginning in a new time.</p><p> </p><p>Jack blinked slowly as Joan placed her warm hands against his cheeks, letting out a silent sigh. Joan was so smart. He assumed that whatever he said must have made at least some interpretive or poetic sense to her. That thought made him grin. He looked down at her softly, taking in her entire self. The strength in her arms, the intense red of her hair, her gentle and familiar scent that he found himself wanting to dive back into. Her hazel eyes glinted from the light coming from the vent. </p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Jack. That, that was really beautiful.”</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t know what to say, partially because he forgot what he said in the whole spiel he gave her. He felt a growing warmth in his chest, stemming from the happiness knowing that whatever he said brought her a little peace. </p><p> </p><p>“I…” he started slowly, “I uh know this won’t fix everything. I’m so sorry about Toots, Joan. I er-uh knew how much he really meant to ya.” He took Joan’s hand into his, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb. “I really wish I could do more to help.” Joan sniffed and quietly nodded in understanding. She leaned towards him, pressing her hand knowingly to his right upper arm before fully leaning her forehead against Jack’s collarbone.</p><p> </p><p>“I- I think I’m ready to go, Jack” she murmured. Jack combed his fingers carefully through her disheveled hair, wary of any knots or tender areas. He pushed some behind her ears, gently brushing against the sculpted cartilage. Moving his legs aside, he then pulled her closer for a final embrace. Jack wrapped her up in his arms and held her for just a moment, feeling her breathe under his open hands as he held them gently against her back. He wanted to make it matter.</p><p> </p><p><em> Things will be okay. </em> He meditated, weirdly hoping that Joan could somehow hear his thoughts. To his momentary shock, he felt Joan laugh. It wasn’t a joyful one, but a bittersweet and reserved laugh. The poignant sound of it echoed in his head as they pulled away. </p><p> </p><p>“C’mon, Joanie”</p><p> </p><p>They reached the glowing vent together, Joan entering it first with Jack following close behind. </p><p> </p><p>---------------</p>
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